I purely dating site related post.
1. Good lookin dude. Picture looks professional, yet in his backyard. Interesting. Very Posed. Age appropriate. Shows his hobbies. Really good posture and a tell-tale haircut. I'm looking at a Marine. Never married, wants kids, never had em. I say Yes. (Although I'm not motivated enough to follow that up with an email. I wonder what that does. I think it just throws me into their match rotation or maybe it sends them an email and says I'm interested. I really don't know) Damn I forgot to see how tall he was. Oh well.
2. Good lookin dude again. Fucking 30. Gimme a break. I don't need this crap. Although he is 6'2" and pretty cute. Only 2 pics, but they check out. Ehh. Fuck it. He sounds like me and like a grown up. Yes. Why the hell not. Moving on.
3. Freaking Bethesda, MD. If you followed this blog last year, you would know that was a hell no for me then. Well I moved an hour or better South of that location, so WTF are you showing me people a good 2 hours away at best. NOPE. Moving on.
4. Former Marine. Cute. Close to where I used to live. I can handle that commute, although I do not prefer it. I'll look further. 6'1" and 33. Ehhh. WTF I need more fire fighters in my life. Yes
5. Another Marylander and definitely not my type anyway. Not intrigued, not reading. Just moving on. Plus he writes in all caps. I don't need to be yelled at about how you WRITE POETRY!
6. He looks like he may have issues in all of his photos. Somehow this just makes me laugh. He's 34. I guess it's baby day! Personality is most important, we are going with yes.
7. HEY! He's 44. Thanks for someone older than me! I appreciate it. Weird selfies in the car. (This is almost as bad as the bathroom. Please, stop this) And one taken in the office where he is clearly trying to make it look like he didn't take it. Um, dude. We see your arm, may as well look at the camera. Anyway, Your pictures entertain me. Unfortunately, not in a good way. Moving on again.
8. 43, Good on the age part. Nice candid pics, taken by someone else. I don't know why, but I can just tell you. We would make polite party friends at a party where we don't know anyone and the host is busy. Other than that, we will probably find each other mildly annoying and wonder why everyone else likes the other. So, I'm going with no. (Yes, this is the path my brain takes on a regular basis)
9. No Picture. For those who may be joining us for the first time, this is an automatic GO FUCK YOURSELF! Having no picture means, not only will I not read the crap you spent time to type out on your dating profile, but I won't even look to see if you want kids, how tall you are or hell, if you're a man. It's an automatic fail and will be, here on out, just referred to as GO FUCK YOURSELF!
10. Not to be out done. We have another GO FUCK YOURSELF!
11. And one more for good measure. GO FUCK YOURSELF!!! I gave him 3 exclamation points, because I felt he had become redundant.
This concludes our judging of the matches. Now we will judge our actual people showing interest. I will judge less harshly, because they put in effort and looked at me and said. WTF, It Valentine's Day. I'm eating a bag of Cheetohs...Alone... She might be more fun than orange fingers.
And A QUICK SIDE NOTE. I hadn't gotten around to actually clicking No on 11. We will just slightly (AND I MEAN SLIGHTLY) change his profile name. MURDERVILLE. YEP! He chose a screenname of "I'll Kill You Town" Seriously, Dude. Get therapy. And if you aren't a killer hoping for a funny moment in your stabbing spree. "Hey. I spelled it out for you. What were you expecting?" You have an IQ of 2. Also, I went back and checked 1's height and its 6 foot. Good enough for Government work. Unless Garners theory about all men who claim to be 6 foot are really 5'11 or shorter and don't want to admit it. Then this becomes problematic in heels. It was already problematic in heels, but it becomes grossly problematic.
I have 4 people who sent me a poke, so to speak.
One has a hidden profile. That seems weird and cheating.
Dear Mr. No2, You are too old for me and by too old, I mean by a lot. I said I wasn't going to be as mean, but you are pervy old.
Not pervy old. Slightly out of my age range, but he looks pervy old. More so than the first one. Maybe he's into Meth. OMG! I can't stop. I'm just a mean person. When did this happen? Probably at birth.
Nothing wrong with him but he's in his 20s. Probably trying to satisfy a Cougar goal, but afraid to commit to the full age gap. (That was nicer, right?)
I have 8 people who liked photos of mine
3 with hidden profiles. (Is this a thing now?)
2 Go Fuck Yourselves
1 Guy I looked at earlier. Perfectly acceptable, but he didn't want kids and its a deal breaker.
1 Oh wow. He's super short and really athletic. Right now I'd feel like I was hanging out with a tiny human or that I was a Gorilla. I'm not into the Gorilla feeling. Maybe I'll revisit when I've gotten back to a normal weight. LOL
1 His pictures are uber blurry and he won't tell me if he has kids or want them. He's divorced. Thats about all I know. Well, Mr. Blurry. You were nice and some how I'm intrigued by your almost Go Fuck Yourself photos. So now it's time to think of a non-committal way to return the nod. I will like one of your crappy photos. Take that!
A quick response to an email from the guy I said I probably wasn't interested in. I also noticed I have 2 Hi emails from the creepy old dude. Man, he's persistent! Well that's enough for returning to old habits. I need to ease in a little bit.