Thursday, December 20, 2012

Drinking and Horrible First Dates


It’s the holiday season and it’s been busy. The following weekend after my Race n Tryst, I went to a wine and painting class with the Burner and Hands and another of the Burners friends. It was a blast. We went to Gordon Beirsch beforehand and had dinner and lots of beer (in the form of tiny glasses) and then walked around the corner to our class. I got tired of waiting for the instructor to move on so I finished my painting and then got supplies for everyone else in the room and drank the rest of the wine. LOL.  We had so much fun. We are planning on taking a pottery class next time. We realize it probably won’t be drunken pottery, so we are just going to get hammered beforehand. I had gone to the dermatologist earlier that week so I had three lovely spots burnt off my face and I was still rocking a cold sore. So I started telling everyone I had leprosy. I borrowed a hair tie from Hands and said, “Don’t worry, I don’t have the herpe in my hair.” I fucking hate stress, especially when it marches across my lip and makes me look like a dirty gutter whore! The dermatologist gave me a new prescription for my eyeballs, so that was cool. A sort of one stop shop! I get to go back in January and get burned some more, but this time on my arm. I can tell the way I usually fall asleep in the sun. All my damage is on one side of my face and the opposite side of my body! LMAO So, apparently, I turn my face to the left and pass out. Oh well as long as everything ends up not being Melanoma I will be happy.

The following night I went out with the Adopter and another friend of ours for dinner. It was a fun time and it was good to see friends again!

I have officially started planning my next tryst. I need something to look forward too. Although, it won’t happen for a long time (2 months), because I won’t send the kid to a sitter again before she leaves me. She seems to be starting to pull her act together and I realize that I had been slacking a bit as well. I knew she wasn’t bringing home her agenda that tells me her behaviors and I wasn’t asking for it. I figured if there was a major problem they would let me know. Apparently, I was REALLY wrong on that one. She has been on a tailspin since October, not doing any work, sleeping in class and basically being a pain. But I’ve been more pro-active in my discipline and she is bringing it home everyday and doing better. She doesn’t want to live her life grounded. That being said, we have only had one day of proper school behavior. So, grain of salt people.

So, I decided to tell you about the worlds worst first internet date. Looking back and knowing I am alive, I realize he pulled out all the stops and was trying really hard, but I was petrified. He was a former Minor League football player or a X league football player or something. I can’t remember, but he loved to talk about it. He was quite a bit older then me 10 or 15 years, I think. He lived about 30 minutes from me and this is when I lived in BFE. So I was going to a place I didn’t know and he talked me into meeting him at his apartment. He promised it was very public and we were just going to meet in the parking lot and then go. I was having a blond moment, because it still didn’t dawn on me that I would be getting in a strangers car and not in public any longer. He knew I was outdoorsy and a couple of my other interests, so he tried to incorporate them all into the date. He took me to what seemed like an abandoned park to go hiking… And I went, he was in pretty good shape, but I figured if need be I can be pretty damn loud and possibly might be able to out run him. I paid particular attention to trail markers and whenever we got around other people I tried to match their pace. He ended up getting us lost and seemed to be trying to lead me into the woods, so I jumped a creek and went up the side of a hill and found the trail. Then he told me that this field where the powerlines were was a shortcut to the parking lot. I told him shortcut or not, I’m not going off the trail and into the middle of nowhere with you. So we took the long way.

Then he took me bowling. That was fun I like bowling and its VERY public. LOL We played one game and then he was ready to move on to the next thing. So we left. He said he needed to use the bathroom, so we needed to stop by his house. He asked me if I wanted him to leave the car radio on. I said, it was fine and I would just go in. (I figured by now, he had his chance to kill me) So we went in and he asked me if I wanted to watch something on TV and I said I was fine. (No I don’t take hints well) Anyway, turns out he had a horrible case of IBS. He went into the restroom, in the hallway and turned on all the water. I know this because it wasn’t a particularly sound proof apartment. He was in there for a good 20 minutes with lots of sound effects. I could even hear him periodically spray the air freshner. I would have turned the TV on at the point, but I didn’t know where the remote was. My real question is, how did this work in his head? You are having that issue, why don’t you just go in the multi-stall men’s room at the bowling alley? Why would you try to sneak in a home visit? Did he really expect me to sit in the car for all that time? So, anyway, he came out and I tried to act like I didn’t notice anything awry.

Then we went off to dinner. If I remember correctly it was not the greatest and not the worst Japanese steak house. He talked about himself a lot and his hockey league (amateur) when dinner was over (which seemed to take FOREVER) the check came. I will give you a giant insight into my mind. I always go dutch, I don’t like to feel like things are off balance. I paid for dinner. All of dinner. Trust me, that is the kiss of death. I really just didn’t want to wait for him to fumble with a card or whatever, I just wanted nothing left between me and the door. The most resistance he put up was an “Are you sure?” First of all, I think girls should pay their own way, but I think guys should at least attempt to get them not too. I’m not saying the girls should accept it. We all know I have weird money issues, but I think its just gentlemanly. Me flat out paying for dinner. I’m done. At least on the first date. LOL I used to steal the check when my ex was in the bathroom and pay for it, because he would never let me pay and I felt it was off balance, but that was different.

So anyway, we leave and I’m miserable, I just want to go home. Its like 930 at this point and I’ve probably been on this date since 430 or 5. So we get back to his apartment where my car is. I’m dreading the 30 minute drive home. I’m still polite though. Shocking, I know. I’m honest, but I’m usually not mean. So we get to his place and he drags me in to watch blooper reels of his hockey league and him skating in drag or something. I don’t know how many times I yawned and tried to leave, but I didn’t get out of there until 1130. He apparently, had no idea this date was going poorly! WTF, Dude! You took me to a deserted place when I told you everything had to be public, You crapped for half the date, and then I bought you dinner. This IS NOT GOING WELL. And we are talking a good 6 and a half 7 hours of this! He did call me a bunch after that, but I never went out with him again. So that’s the story.

Awesome

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